


smoke & mirrors

by mydragulesebastian



Series: ONLY FOREVER [3]
Category: Marvel RPF, Sebastian Stan - Fandom, seb stan - Fandom
Genre: Angst, F/M, Romance, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-29
Updated: 2018-05-29
Packaged: 2019-05-15 07:39:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,253
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14786265
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mydragulesebastian/pseuds/mydragulesebastian
Summary: Did he ever really love you?





	smoke & mirrors

_“Up next, the star of Avengers Infinity War—Sebastian Stan!”_

You rolled your eyes as you changed the channel to an infomercial. It was late, that much you knew, but you couldn’t go to sleep. Most days were full of sleep but it seemed as though tonight would be a night with no sleep.

It had been months since you had last seen Sebastian in person and you tried convincing yourself that it didn’t hurt. But every time you thought you were slowly getting over him he showed up everywhere and you ended up wallowing in pity.

Somehow you ended back on the late night talk show with Sebastian’s face gracing your television screen. He looked good. He always did though. You listened as they talked about the anticipated movie, Sebastian excited and quite clueless as to what was going to happen in the film. 

Then the question of the night. The question that made you hold your breath and claw your nails into the palms of your hands. 

_“So are you a single man? What’s the deal?”_

The audience cheered, the host laughed, and Sebastian blushed.  _Typical._  Once the audience calmed down, Sebastian was able to answer. You were ready to hear all about the hot actress but instead, shocked you with his answer.

 _“Actually... it’s kind of complicated...”_ He tilted his head, eyes squinting and lips playing a smirk. 

_“Complicated?”  
_

Sebastian chuckled,  _“Yeah.”_

_“Well, now you have to explain!”  
_

_“I-Listen, there’s someone I know and care for very deeply... and we just gotta work through some things. I think it happens to everyone at one point in their life, no?”_ Sebastian rambled on.

But you tuned out after he said that. There were tears in your eyes and an incessant ringing in your ears. You were shaking but not out of anger. It was of sadness, maybe even anxiousness. Was he talking about you? You rummaged through your brain for any other person you knew that could possibly have a thing with him but no one came about. 

Your overthinking led you to watch the sunrise over the city. The dark bags under your eyes were a dead giveaway that you hadn’t been able to sleep. Too many thoughts filled your mind. But your phone rang somewhere in the mess of blankets on your bed. When you finally found it, the ringing had stopped.

> **Seb**   
>  _Missed Call_

A second passed and another notification popped up on the screen. You couldn’t believe your eyes. This had to be a dream.

> **Seb**   
>  _Voicemail_

You finger hovered over the screen debating on if you should listen to it. But slowly and surely you unlocked your phone and hit play, bringing the phone up to your ear. Your heart skipped a beat when he said your name; you were sure you even stopped breathing at one point.

> _Hey, (Y/N), it’s Sebastian--wait you know that already. I, uh... God, this is hard... I’m going back to New York right now. It’s 5AM in California so like 8 in the city. Jeez, okay... I was calling to see if you wanted to go out to dinner when I get back tonight. We can talk... we need to talk. Call me or text me--whatever works for you. Okay... bye._

You replayed the message three times, your reaction never changing. If anything you just noticed the inflections on certain words or the way that his voice was a bit shakey. 

You set your phone down and decided to take a hot shower. You stayed under the water until your fingers turned wrinkly and your skin felt raw due to the hot water pelting against your skin. Once you were out and changed you decided to call him back after you cleaned your place and made something to eat.

Time flew by and you hadn’t realized until you picked up your phone and looked at the time. You gathered all the courage you had and called Sebastian back, positive that he had already landed back in the city.

The line rang twice before it was picked up. His voice gave you chills. You lost your own voice in the moment.

“(Y/N). are you there?”

“Y-Yeah! Sorry!” You coughed and he chuckled. “I got your message.”

“Oh, great!” He smiled. “I actually just landed about an hour ago. Are you busy today?”

“No,” you replied lamely.

“Want to go and get dinner later? How does 6 sound?”

“Perfect.”

“Awesome. I’ll text you where okay?”

You hummed in response before the line went dead. God, you wanted to hide under the covers and never come out and see the light of day. 6 o’clock couldn’t have come sooner, your reply to Sebastian’s location was a simple thumbs up emoji. You couldn’t even bring yourself to text back a word.

You changed about 5 times before finding an outfit you semi-liked. Nothing made you feel good. There was this dread sitting in your stomach and you weren’t sure why. You were supposed to be happy to see him, happy to be able to talk to him.

After grabbing everything you needed, you headed out and hopped into the waiting Uber. You watched as the city flew past, every single memory you had with Sebastian flashing through your brain. Things would never be the same.

You thanked the driver as you hopped out, spotting Sebastian at the entrance of the restaurant. He was busy on his phone, grinning at something he saw on his screen. You slowly walked up to him, your legs feeling like jelly. He looked up before you even got the chance to say anything. The smile that grew on his face was one your favorite things on earth.

He looked more beautiful than he did the last time you saw him in person. How was that even possible? Sebastian took your hand in his without saying a word, leading you to your favorite restaurant that you two often used to go to back in the day. Once inside you were sat immediately, Sebastian taking the seat across from you.

You were suddenly nervous; the butterflies in your stomach a dead giveaway. Maybe it was the fact that he was right in front of you and smiling at you with sparkling eyes that made you feel like a schoolgirl. Actually, that was exactly it. 

“How have you been?” He asked, leaning forward slightly. 

“G-Good,” you lied. You weren’t going to tell him that you were a mess.

“You sure?” He raised a brow.

You nodded, clearing your throat to change the subject. You didn’t want to talk about it here. He sat back, quickly rambling on about the recent press tour and events around the world that he would be attending throughout the year. He was up and coming, ready to take on the world by storm and you were extremely happy for him.

The conversation was interrupted by the young waitress who came and took your order. You wished you could tell him stories but compared to his, yours were boring. The two of you ate in silence, mostly because Sebastian had his face stuffed with food the majority of the time.

He paid the bill even after you fought him over it. He just didn’t let up. Things felt normal again, just like they were before you two slept together. 

“Ready to go?” He asked, leaning back in his chair while placing his hands on his stomach.

You nodded and he got out of the chair, waiting for you to lead the way out. As soon as you two stepped outside, you were met with a group of paparazzi. Sebastian mumbled in Romanian before putting on a fake grin as he pushed past them. You didn’t even realize that he stepped in front of you.

 _“Sebastian! Sebastian! What happened to you and Sara?”_ The photographer yelled at him, the large camera clicking away.

The flashes blinded you and the array of questions were beginning to sound too loud.  _Who was Sara?_  You didn’t keep up with celebrity gossip, let alone gossip about Sebastian. 

He was able to get you into the waiting car before he dismissed the paparazzi’s and jumped in the backseat with you. You headed back to your place in silence, your hands in your lap. You played with the skin around your nails and Sebastian watched with his bottom lip between his teeth.

When the car arrived outside your place, you exited first leaving Sebastian behind to pay. You were sad, embarrassed, and slightly upset. The door slammed behind you but opened up a second later to bring in a very tired Sebastian. The bags under his eyes were noticeable from miles away. 

You turned on your heel, the air suddenly thick with tension. Your eyes locked and he slowly made his way over to you. You held your breath the closer he got, his hands coming up to cup your cheeks. Sebastian’s thumbs caressed your cheekbones softly as his eyes scanned your face. 

“(Y/N),” he breathed out. 

“Sebastian...” Your own voice was going to fail you any second. You could feel it.

“What are we going to do?” 

You blinked, glad that there weren’t tears pooling in your eyes just yet. You managed to shrug, Sebastian’s eyes searching yours before he let go of your face and he wrapped his arms around you.

The tight hug felt like forever; almost as if it was ripped out of your favorite romance novel and was given to you to physically feel. You didn’t want to let go of Sebastian. No. You wanted to hold onto him until there was nothing left to hold onto. You loved the way he wrapped his arms around your waist and the way he dug his entire face into the crook of your neck. You loved the way his lips ghosted against your skin and gave you goosebumps.

But when you opened your eyes you didn’t feel happy. Even if his arms held you tight against his body and his lips peppered kisses on your neck and shoulder you felt like it was wrong in a way. 

You pushed yourself away from him, his arms dropping to his sides and his brows furrowing. Sebastian’s blue eyes were almost black and any other time, you might have given into the smoldering look he was giving you but right now, you felt nothing. 

“What?” His voice was hoarse.

“Tell me,” you breathed out slowly, “Did you... did you ever really love me? Did you ever really want me?”

Sebastian’s face fell in time with every single word that came out of your mouth. You began to wonder if you were ever really happy with him; would you have been genuinely happy if you ended up with Sebastian? Maybe it was you being selfish and wanting him for you only. Or maybe time had made you realize that you didn’t need him. 

He sighed, “Of course, I did.”

“And now? Are we doing this because of our past? Do you still feel the same way?”

“I feel like I should be asking you that question.” He blinked as he swallowed hard, “Be honest.”

You looked down at the floor, wondering how you were going to come out and say it. You couldn’t beat around the bush, Sebastian wanted honesty and you would give him that. 

“Not anymore,” you replied softly as your head rose to look at him. He seemed so far away. “I waited, Sebastian. I waited for a very long time. I watched you go off and date other girls, I watched you not give one fuck about me even though you say you did care and love me. Was it just... smoke and mirrors that you were putting up for me?”

He sighed, stepping back with a scoff. “Really?”

“Just tell me!” You were tired of whatever this game was. “Just tell me, Sebastian.”

“This happened at the wrong time. It was too late. It is too late.”

The tears spilled from your eyes, bottom lip quivering and all Sebastian could do was watch you fall apart in front of him. But he wanted to hold you and tell you that he loved you, even if it wasn’t the way you wanted him to.

“Just go...”

“(Y/N), we can talk about this.” Sebastian took a careful step towards you but you only stepped back.

“I don’t—there’s nothing to talk about anymore. It wasn’t meant to be. I... believed that maybe we had a chance. I guess I was just being naive.”

“No... no, please. You’re not naive.”

You locked eyes with Sebastian once more, words were unnecessary now. You didn’t have anything else to say and you really didn’t want to hear him say anything either.

“Is this it?” He looked down at the floor, sticking his hands in his back pockets.

You shrugged, “I think it’s for the best.”

Sebastian locked eyes with you again, slowly walking towards you and cupping your face once again. He pressed his lips to your forehead for a longing kiss. You closed your eyes, more tears escaping again. You weren’t sure how long you two stayed like that but when he pulled away and began to walk to the door, a weight began to lift off your shoulders.

Sebastian looked back after he opened the door slightly, sending you a sad smile. “I did love you. I want you to know that.”

You nodded, “I loved you, too.”


End file.
